I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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