apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
