That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
