listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
