After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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