oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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