i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
