Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
