Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
