Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
