On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
