Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
