I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
