Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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