I hate all girls vehemently.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
