no, he came in my armpit
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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