I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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