This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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