mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
