You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
