....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
