he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
