I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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