I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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