Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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