well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
