Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
