dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
