So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
