im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
