so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
