just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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