Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
