you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
