her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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