You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
