My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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