New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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