just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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