I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
