3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
