but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
