there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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