i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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