note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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