Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
