no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
