he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
