kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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