I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
