All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
