apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
