I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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