I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
