I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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