where am i from again
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
