Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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