My first STD was from a foam party
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
