I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
