Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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