did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
