Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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