Where are you?
In a non slutty way
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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