I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
