either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize