I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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