He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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